Almost Optimistic...

 Omar Faruk Tekbilek WHY... 

It all started with that taxi driver with the greatest taste in music, omar faruk and budha bar .. 

I cried in the taxi just like everytime i’m faced with turkish music, with Omar Faruk, Husnu Sendenlirici..  my heart stopped so many times and brought to like again listening to that Omar’s “Why”.. and then it struck me, WHY, that word with the strongest saddest beat, that word that keep popping up everytime something happens to us, we ask WHY. his Aoud was asking WHY with every note played.. 

WHY has always made us think, once, twice and countless times.. it still does, that feeling of finding no answer to it, paralysis, leaves our minds paralysed, thoughts start flowing and leaving no place for hope, no window for the future, WHY keeps us stuck in the past, the past can be happy and nostalgic, or sad and bitter … WHY does this happen everytime we ask WHY? 

WHY is a moment in time when time itself stands still, WHY is hurtful, sad and angry, WHY is peaceful, crying and mourning, mourning all the moments we spent without being thankful, all those moments in our lives we thought we had it all, every moment passing without ever coming back..

WHY chokes me, tears out every laughter I had, hurts me so bad. WHY is no regret, WHY is asking without knowing WHY, and a question mark that leaves the door open for infinite thoughts and no answer. But sometimes the WHY is an implicit certainty that it’s never going to be the same again, and a full stop to turn that page and live again, keeping avoiding that WHY that brought us to tears once, twice and countless times.. 

WHY oh WHY … WHY is the answer, it is the confusion that questions your exisistance, the breath that you forgot to take once, that beat that your heart skipped once, twice and countless times… WHY is the infinite, WHY is that hidden diaries you keep under your bed, all the secrets you keep telling your pen to mark, the dark and silly thoughts that cross your mind a thousand time, and the only witness was that night and that diary..

WHY is this very note that Faruk plays, is he asking me? or asking me to ask it? how did he know all these  WHYs i have? How could he cross my path again? i thought it was all over, many years ago.. WHY did you do that? i thought … i can’t think.. WHY is taking away every certainty i had, or pretended to have.. i know it’s no coincidence, but … WHY.. it makes no sense, or does it? 

WHY brings me to life again, life was hard, i didnt want to comeback, life was mean to me, and i survived.. 

WHY ..

Stay Dreamy, 

xoxo Marwa Me Blind Optimistic...